Faith

I know its been a LONG time since my last post.  I have had this written up for a while but I am just getting around to posting this!

This is the first year that Dylan and I have rented land to farm.  The decision to start farming came a little more easily for Dylan than it did for me.  I always knew that I would love the opportunity to farm but for me, it has turned out to be more of a lesson in faith.  Before everything began I did a bible study of "31 Days of Faith" by Tracie Steir Johnson.  Every day I did my devotion in hopes I would be able to let a little more control over to God each day.  My main reserve was that in a blink of an eye, our entire investment could be wiped out.  Everything became a threat from bugs to hail.  But by the strength of The Lord we agreed that it would be worth it.  So we planted, fertilized, and waited and watched as slowly little green tips started to rise from the dirt.  There is was, our investment, our future, my faith.  it didn't take long before we were tested.  The devil saw that my faith in God was growing strong and of course he doesn't like not having the victory.  So what comes, a funnel cloud and lots of hail.  There was a lot of time between the first sighting of that big, dark, rotating cloud coming towards us and the time it hi.  We could prepare a little by securing loose objects and parking vehicles in safety but there was nothing we could do for the crop.  Except Pray.  So I threw my hands up and prayed.  I let go of my reservations and I prayed.  Not for the crop, but for my faith.  That I would be able to fully trust God.  I felt calm and peaceful but my fear suddenly came to life for the safety of my family.  The realization that we were in danger intensified.  So while we were in the safety of the basement, Natalie and I prayed.  Afterwards she looks at me and says "It don't work".  This made me think, I prayed but do I really believe it will work.  Do I really believe that God will deliver us from the storm.  Of course.  I have faith!  Again and again we have seen the threat of a storm on the horizon.  But again and again I have put my trust in God and let my faith prevail.  Until a few nights ago.  I found myself watching the radar and thinking, this is bad.  Then the worry, the doubt, and the fear set in.  I hadn't felt so discouraged and so beaten in a long time.  What was going to happen?  this farming thing is a huge gamble.  I didn't want to feel that pit in my stomach that I had when I watched so many people lost crops from hail for so many years.  I knew it would be worse if is was our own.  So I secluded myself and did what I knew I needed to do.  I needed to pray.  God restore my faith by the next morning.  Everything had gone around us.  I could not have been more thankful!  Not because we had been spared but because my faith was once again where it had been.  I seem to awake with every thunderstorm going through.  I don't believe that this is fear of what could come.  I believe it's God showing me and saying, "I could, I can but have faith my dear child".  Only time will tell if the crop will be a success.  But even if it isn't, I feel better knowing that I have come through this experience knowing that I have ben tested and strengthened and have grown immensely.  I can't help but compare my faith to the tiny seeds that were planted and have now sprouted up and tall.  I need to remember to trust God since I can't control the situation and even if we lose the crop I will come out ahead.  After all, this crop is not ours to begin with, it belongs to The Lord!